disservices

It has occured to me of late that I have many friends in this town
that I do not see as often as I should, people that I was very close
with in high school that I have recently reconnected with here. They
(well, one of them at least) really likes to lay down the guilt trip
when I can't make it to one of their dinner parties or whatever. This
makes me pretty uncomfortable. It's like how all of us kept making
plans to see There Will Be Blood together but things kept happening to
prevent it. On the third such date I was the one who didn't feel like
devoting the time and money to it and I never heard about it again. I
feel kind of bad about it but really more because I feel like I hit a
kind of 'fun quota' here in which at a certain point I've just had
enough and I shut off. I'm actually dating someone that I don't lay
awake at night in complete dread of having to see her again and I like
it, despite some difficult weekends ahead where pretty much every
female I was attracted to (and then marginalized by) is coming up from
Indy to see me. I've really got it all here and I still have no idea
what I really want.

I find it all exhausting, exhilerating, and terrifying all at once,
which I guess is above all else what I was looking for when I moved
here.

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